I wish I had known my options

I wish I had known my options

At the age of nineteen, I found out that I was pregnant. I couldn't tell my family for fear of how they would react and there was really no one I could turn to. My boyfriend at that time was preparing to move far away from my home town with no intention of coming back. He told me to just do my best and then he left town.

I had to face the biggest decision of my life

I cried every day. I didn't know what to do. I was a first year fashion institute student living at home, and still very dependent on my parents. Suddenly, I had to face the biggest decision of my life, but I didn't have the courage to choose. I really couldn't believe what had happened to my life. "Why me? Why not one of my friends? They do far worse than me! Why do I have to be punished like this?" I cried and cried. In the end, with the doctor's advice I had an abortion.

I had lived irresponsibly and selfishly and had taken a precious life. I couldn't believe what I'd done. I really hated myself. After that, I was pretty miserable. I partied, smoked, drank heavily and treated myself badly. I hated being around with my friends because their lives looked much easier and happier than mine. I hated the people around me, and myself. I managed to finish school, get a job and carry on living a pretty normal life. But inside me all was darkness, anger and sorrow.

Having an abortion

I wish someone had talked to me about the options that I could have. I wish someone was there to stop me from having an abortion. I wish someone explained to me what it really meant and the lasting effect it would have.

Editor's Note:

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you had very little support during a difficult time. And after the abortion, you experienced a lot of emotional pain. Though you had no one to talk to then, we have people available to walk alongside you now as you heal emotionally. If you are still experiencing the effects from your abortion, please contact us.

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