I'm sure you must have heard of Bob Marley's famous song “Redemption Song." I have always loved part of the chorus that reads "… these songs of freedom." I remember thinking, "What does that really mean and will I ever sing a song of freedom?"
Let me take you on a journey of my life that was once filled with deep sadness, isolation, guilt, shame and self-hatred to a life today filled with peace, joy, hope, love and acceptance – my journey of freedom.
My life was once lived for worldly gratification - the only way I knew how to live. I was focused on material things, driven towards success and no matter the cost, always worked hard at displaying I was “perfect”. If I wasn’t perfect then no one would love me.
On the outside everything looked great but on the inside I had an unexplainable need to be loved. This need was attempted to be filled by boyfriend after boyfriend. Just like any young girl, I longed to be loved and accepted and without knowing it was trying to find it in guys - in physical love. This cycle in my life led to many broken relationships and my need for love and acceptance grew deeper and deeper. Having sex before marriage confronted me with the consequence of living that life-style - I found out I was pregnant.
I had an abortionIn panic mode, young, still in school, terrified and working harder than ever to display that I was perfect; I had an abortion.
Abortion to me appeared to be the easy way out. The secret back door if you will. I figured that I would be able to escape the situation and it would go away … erased as if nothing had happened. Little did I know that instead of erasing the problem I had just opened the door to many more … torment, regret and self-hatred to name a few. I walked into that hospital one person and came out another. I lost all life that was still flickering inside of me - like a little flame that had just been snuffed out.
A year later, I found myself on the other side of the world trying to run from responsibility and who I had become. I was looking to start afresh, become someone new and leave the old behind.
One night I was invited to attend a church service with a friend and reluctantly agreed. When I walked into the church I was shocked to see thousands of young people singing and praising God. I was even more shocked to find that the pastor’s message seemed to have been written specifically for me. I was receiving answers to many questions that I had accumulated over the course of my life. His words were like water to a thirsty soul and I began to cry as I realized the only person who could have known my questions and answered them was God. I knew then that he had been with me my entire life. I knew that he had tried to get my attention many times before and now it was time for me to respond.
That day ended up being the best day of my life. For the first time I experienced true inner peace, love and acceptance after I accepted Jesus Christ into my life.
Post abortion grief counsellingTwo years later I found myself in Vancouver, B.C. Months before moving out to Vancouver I cried out to God to heal me - to free me from my past and not long after I arrived in Vancouver did God answer my prayer. I came in contact with the Crisis Pregnancy Centre and enrolled in a Post Abortion Grief Counselling Course and am now able to testify to the amazing grace of God. Through my counseling I was led back to that time in my life and decided to confront my decision. Confronting the reality of my abortion paved the way for me to accept God’s grace and forgiveness which led to my healing. Not only do I know that God forgives me and loves me but God has set me free - free from shame, free from condemnation, free from perfection and free from my past.
My life was once filled with songs of heartache, deep regret, pain and sorrow but now God has written me a new song - a song of freedom and he wants to do the same for you!!!
Your journey of freedom is inspirational and touching. Thank you for your open-hearted expression of the journey many young women find themselves on when seeking love. I trust it will relate to many who are searching for a new song.