I had spent the three months up to that point, praying feverishly that God would change his mind and take this thing growing inside me up to heaven. “Why on Earth would you want this child born into my life?” I lashed out. The baby was destined for a chaotic and unwelcoming world, whose mother was unwed, worked only a part-time job, and lived in a one bedroom apartment outfitted for the quintessential bachelorette. Not to mention how a baby would ruin my comfortable life and standing in my community, my church, my family.
My search for counselling helpBut after three months, I had to begin to face the fact that God was not going to answer my prayers. I thought at least I would go to the Crisis Pregnancy Centre, and start looking at my options and talking with someone.
To tell you the truth, I don’t remember much about my first visit, but it was one of about a dozen I was to make as this thing inside me took shape. The peer counsellors were there to arrange adoption counselling, advise me to see a midwife when I couldn’t find an obstetrician, give me clothes, tell me to “hang in there” when the morning sickness was getting the better of me, and ease my fears when faced with how to tell the rest of the world about my “condition”.
Weeks of free support and counsel at the centreAs the weeks turned into months, the queasiness I felt on the bus ride to the Centre, gave way to “waddling” through its doors. Through ever-present tears, we worked through the agonizing decisions I had to make. We continued to talk about parenting, marriage, health, family.
And the thing inside me took the shape of a little boy.
My regular visits to the Centre ended with prenatal classes. I still dreaded the future, and more immediately, childbirth, but now at least I was shuffling through its doors with family members by my side, and the comfort of knowing I had done my best, with the Centre’s help, to arrive at my decisions. I think I had even regained some of my humour.
Those visits won’t be my last. Now, I will return with a little boy in tow. The tears will still flow, but they will not be tears of shame.
God heard my prayers. In His own way, He answered them. He gave me the gift of new friends and a brand new life.
Thank you for sharing your story. When a woman first finds out she has an unplanned pregnancy, it is not always welcome news. Many do react as you did – not knowing how to accept the changes not only in their bodies but lifestyles. And preparing for how others will respond… that is often stressful too. It is great to hear that you considered your options in this uncertain time and also found the support you needed to help you to adjust to your pregnancy. Your portrayal of your pregnancy journey is honest and encouraging. Thank you.